I've rented the house on haunted hill tonight
so that my wife can give a party.
There'll be food and drink
and ghosts.
And perhaps even a few murders.
You're all invited.
If any of you will spend the next 12 hours in this house,
I'll give you each $10,000...
Or your next of kin, in case you don't survive.
Ah, here come our other guests...
Hey, coach. Remember me,
Elvis Moreau?
I used to play on your baseball team,
the Cubs.
I was the lame-o you used to shout at
every time I dropped a fly ball,
which was pretty much any time
one was hit in my direction.
It sucked.
But you know what really sucked?
It was you...
and your big stinking mouth.
I can still hear you howling from the dugout.
Who's got the last laugh now, asshole?
Hmm?
All right, now.
Say cheese.
Excuse me.
Mr. Moreau?
- Mrs. Van hook. - Elvis.
I came by to thank your father
for the lovely job he did on my husband.
Thank you, ma'am. I'll be sure to tell him.
Is he around today?
Oh, no, ma'am, he's--
he's occupied at the moment.
I hardly see him anymore at church
since your momma passed.
Is he all right?
Oh, he's fine. He's just fine. Thank you for asking.
He certainly did a marvelous job.
I'm so sorry for your loss.
Thank you.
How'd you do?
78.
That's great.
I didn't get under 72.
You'll get it.
Gotta get under 72.
You'll get it.
Wait for me, wait for me.
Hurry, Mom, before somebody comes by and laughs at us.
Dumpling, squinch up to your mom so I can fit everything in.
Just take the picture already!
We're gonna be late.
Don't call me dumpling.
Jimmy, how hard can it be?
Just take it, Jimmy!
Smile.
Oh, shit, somebody's coming.
Smile, princess, and don't say "shit."
Creepy. Did y'all get a look at those two?
Okay, which one you want? Colored or regular?
Well, hmm.
All right, how about big ones?
I know you like the big ones.
Well...
Okay, how about this?
While you decide, I'm gonna go get dinner.
- You want anything? - Moon pie.
Moon Pie? All right.
- Elvis? - Yeah?
Don't forget the moon pie.
I heard you.
You like marshmallows? I like marshmallows too.
I like marshmallows.
Hey, man, sorry, is there a problem?
- No, there ain't no problem. - No problem?
Good. Come on.
Freak.
Dad.
The flowers.
I hate to break the news to you folks,
but Anabelle and I have decided to elope.
It took a lot of convincing, but he finally agreed.
Let's get together and give her a big hand
and send her off with our best wishes.
Come on.
Oh, thank you!
Hi, how are you? Good to see you.
Just a minute, please.
"Baron von Cleopart heard the man
screaming outside the door of his castle.
He could feel the anger coursing through their veins
as they collectively lunged at the large doors.
He calmly moved to the top of the stairs...
...and watched them scurry toward him like a pack of rats.
They stopped in their tracks as he opened his cloak
and unsheathed a long shiny sword."
See, I'm not sure if he should use a sword
or one of those long poles with a hatchet on the end.
You know what I mean? Which one you think?
I like it.
Maybe I'll give him knives on the inside of his cloak.
I like it.
I like it too.
When you gonna get a gal?
I heard you the first time.
I don't know. I haven't met anyone.
You ain't gonna find her in the grocery store.
Your company does me just fine.
I wouldn't mind having a grandbaby
running around making a mess.
I'd like having me a little grandbaby running around
making a mess here and there.
- I heard you. - You mad at me?
No.
No, Dad, I'm not mad at you.
I like your story, Elvis.
I like you, Dad.
I like you more, Elvis.
I'm gonna go to my room and work on this some more.
You need anything?
- Night, son. - All right.
You change your mind, just holler.
Night.
Okay, arms back, chest out.
Oh my God, did you pack the miracle bra?
No, Momma, I decided to go topless
for the evening gown competition.
Stop cutting up. Did you bring it?
Of course I did, Momma.
Not that your breasts need a miracle.
My God, you are so beautiful.
Get over here, right now.
Hey, you have to carry yourself with that confidence.
Momma, you saw Miss Panhandle. She was gorgeous
She's nothing.
Repeat it.
"I am the most beautiful girl."
"Pure as the driven snow." Say it.
Oh, Momma.
Please.
What?
Well, you are...
right?
Am what?
Nothing. I don't even have to ask.
I know.
Baby, I can't find your curling iron anywhere.
It's in the blue bag.
You look.
How you doing?
Got butterflies in your belly?
Little bit.
How 'bout a good luck hug?
Come on.
That's it.
You're gonna be fine.
Just fine.
Right?
Yeah.
You kick ass out there now.
Well?
I love you.
Oh, God knows it hasn't been easy,
but I tried to show you a better world.
It's all right, Momma.
No. No, it is not all right.
You listen to me.
This moment, right here,
this can change your life. Do you get that?
We're talking lunches with the governor
and scholarships and modeling contracts--
the works.
I mean, true freedom.
That means never having
to count on some jackass of a man like--
like your stepfather for your happiness.
That's what it means.
But only if-- and I mean only if--
you truly believe you can win.
So do you?
I do.
All right. Now you get out there, baby,
and you shine.
You shine, shine, shine.
Ladies and gentlemen, let's have a big round of applause
for our contestants. Aren't they beautiful?
Let me tell you guys, am I the luckiest man alive or what?
Two minutes, ladies.
Just slow down, Momma, you're gonna rip it!
Your tummy is bloated.
Hurry.
Excuse me.
Anabelle, if you could have one wish come true,
what would that be?
If I could have one wish,
it would be that I could save
all the abandoned children of the world
from neglect.
Thank you.
That means Miss Panhandle and Miss Cameron County,
one of you will win a $50,000 scholarship,
the crown,
and a chance to compete in the national pageant.
Ladies, hold tight.
The first runner up
is Miss Panhandle!
Miss Texas Rose, Anabelle Leigh!
They're waiting for you, Anabelle!
Go up on your floor.
A night of pageantry turned into tragedy.
We don't have a whole lot of details
so far on exactly what happened.
However, what I can tell you at this hour
is that miss Anabelle leigh was pronounced dead at 1 :00 Am.
Doctors determined her cause of death was
a cardiac arrest due to complications
from an eating disorder.
As we get more details about what happened--
Come on, Dad.
Let's go to bed.
We--
We had her frozen.
We were gonna check into cryogenics.
Honey, we said we weren't gonna bring that up.
I don't wanna bring it up.
We heard your father
is one of the...
best embalmers around.
I'm afraid he wasn't available for this appointment,
but I'm the funeral director,
and I'll certainly relay any requests you might have.
Did you know Anabelle?
No. No, ma'am.
I did not.
I reckon y'all would've...
spent time in different circles.
All I ask...
is that you make her beautiful
one last time.
Absolutely.
I can guarantee you that.
Oh my God.
Holy shit.
She's alive.
She's alive!
She's alive.
Dad, wake up. Wake up.
What's the ruckus?
Hello? I have an emergency.
I'm at the Moreau funeral home.
I'm a mortician. I was embalming this girl--
my Dad was embalming a girl. She suddenly woke up.
Who woke up?
I'm up Route 409, I'm in Coward, Texas.
Am I what?
Lady, I ain't fooling. Send paramedics,
send an ambulance, send something.
Bye. Okay, Dad, listen.
What's all the commotion?
I was working on Miss Texas Rose
and she just suddenly popped up.
I don't think she's dead.
- Miss Texas Rose is here? - I told you that earlier.
Where's your suit? We need to get you changed.
Okay. Ow!
You gotta tell them you were working and she came back to life.
Understand? - Who came back to life?
- Miss Texas Rose. - Oh.
Okay. We need to make you look all nice.
- Why? - TV crew's coming.
I'm gonna be on TV?
She... woke up.
Did she say anything?
What were her first words?
She just woke up...
and her heart was beating.
It's not the first time this has happened.
In 2002, Charlotte Jenkins laid six hours in a body bag
in the morgue of st. Cloud's hospital
before an attendant noticed the bag was moving around.
In the case of Anabelle Leigh,
because the body was frozen
in what must've been a comatose state...
Miss Leigh, Anabelle needs to rest.
Her body's been through an incredibly difficult ordeal.
I'm sure you understand, she's gonna have to take some time to recover
before she can go out in public.
So if you don't mind? Right?
You better believe it.
Momma's gonna take good care of her little baby.
Anabelle!
Look at me.
Look this way.
Look here, look here.
Look at me.
Come on, look at the lens!
She's gonna be back in five minutes.
We're just gonna take a little break, okay?
Would you mind? Thank you.
Thank you.
Okay, Channel 5 called,
they want to do a piece on you.
- Aren't you excited? - Mmm.
And are you ready for the icing?
Guess who called about a half hour ago?
- Marilyn Manson. - Marilyn...?
- I don't know, Momma. Who? - Oprah.
They want to fly us first class to Chicago to be on the show.
Geneva, I don't wanna go on "Oprah."
Are you-- are you crazy?
This is--
Geneva?
Princess, why on Earth are you calling me that?
'Cause that's your name?
My name is Momma.
And my name's Anabelle.
Oh. Hey, y'all, do you guys mind if I join in?
- Anabelle. - I haven't done this in a long time.
- Oop! - Anabelle.
Coming up next "real America",
a miraculous story of tragedy and triumph.
A small town beauty queen comes back to life
on an embalming table
after collapsing on stage
just seconds after being crowned
"Miss Texas Rose. "
I'd put money down
she thinks she's God's gift to mankind.
Royal pain in the ass, I'm telling you.
I'll be right back.
Coming.
- Hey. - Hi.
Um, I'm looking for Charlie.
Mr. Moreau.
You were just on TV.
Oh, yeah.
So where's Mr. Moreau?
He's occupied at the moment-- Charlie.
Charlie's my dad.
Can I help you?
Actually, I need to talk to him.
It's-- do you know who I am?
You were just on TV.
That's right.
So where does he do the embalming?
Inside, why?
Can I see?
- I don't think so. - Okay.
Maybe I'll just come back when Charlie's available.
He's pretty busy these days.
I'm sorry, do I know you?
Me?
No.
I swear, you just-- you look so familiar.
Did you go to Edison?
Mmm-hmm. I'll tell him you came by.
Okay. And tell him I won't take much of his time.
Okay.
Bye.
I'll see you then.
I'm Elvis, by the way.
My name is Elvis.
Oh. Really?
Anabelle.
I know.
That's right.
- Bye. - Bye.
How are her eating habits?
She's been eating like a horse.
- Oh, good for her. - Not good.
She keeps going on like this
she's gonna be competing in "Miss Large and Tall."
It's just not like her to take off without saying anything.
- Where could she have gone? - Near deathers often have
a deep-seated need to alter their lives.
- Anabelle! - Anabelle!
Anabelle!
Leave me alone!
They're driving me crazy!
Anabelle! Anabelle, this is Dr. Putnam.
- We asked her to stop by. - I can't go anywhere in this stupid town
without somebody taking my picture.
But you love to have your picture taken.
Ma, I can't take this!
I just-- I can't do it anymore.
- I'm done! - Good idea.
Good idea. Why don't you get some rest? Tomorrow's another day.
We got "Good Morning, Houston" coming at 8:00.
I said no more interviews!
We told them we'd do it!
You told them!
Don't do this to me!
- Smile! - Smile, honey.
- Smile, princess. - That a girl.
Beautiful. For the camera.
That a girl. Smile!
You look beautiful.
Pretty girl. That's it.
Good girl.
Oh my God! Good Lord,
you scared the crap outta me!
Jesus Christ, what are you doing here? How'd you get in?
I'm sorry. Would you put that thing down?
You don't walk into people's houses like that.
Just calm down, okay?
It's not like I was stealing anything.
What are you doing here?
What? - I just wanted to see if I could remember.
Remember what?
What?
This is where it happened, isn't it?
I guess, but call or something.
Let us know you're coming over.
Sorry.
It's okay. Did you remember anything?
It's kinda hard when you're
about to be bludgeoned with a golf club.
Hello.
Hey, Dad, it's okay. You can go back to bed.
You're Mr. Moreau?
Hello.
You remember Anabelle?
Have we met?
My name is Charlie.
Okay. Can you just excuse us for one second?
Hey.
Dad, this is the girl-- The one I talked to you about.
The one who came back to life on the table.
- She is a foxy mama. - She wants to ask you
some questions about what happened.
- When? - Dad, I don't have
my embalming license, remember?
Oh, I understand.
Yeah, so just go back to bed. Let me talk to her.
- Okay. - I'll go, I'll go.
I'm sorry about him.
He's got some sleepwalking problems.
You just woke up.
You just woke up and your heart was beating.
You sure are pretty.
- Ain't she pretty, Elvis? - You look tired, Dad.
Let's get you to bed.
I guess I'll go back up to bed.
Yeah, it was a long day.
I guess that's all he remembers.
His memory's kinda whacked.
Okay.
So you should probably get going.
Guess I'll just take off then.
Yeah.
It's so dark.
It's 4:30 in the morning.
There was a moon earlier, smarty pants.
Do you want a ride?
Oh, it's fine. I don't want you
to go out of your way or anything.
Is it okay if I at least come inside
and wait an hour or so until the sun comes up?
I guess.
Thank you.
Who are they?
That's my Granddaddy and my Great Granddaddy.
The kid's my dad.
All morticians?
Yup.
Is that what you're gonna do?
Yup.
Here.
Thank you.
You gonna eat? - I'm not hungry.
Thanks for breakfast.
And again, I'm sorry for intruding.
It's okay.
- Bye. - Take care.
You too.
I don't wanna go.
I can't go home.
Why not?
Because...
I just can't, that's why.
Look, I just need to disappear for a while--
from everybody I know.
What, here?
Don't you have like a barn or someplace I can hide out?
Just for a few days.
We don't have a barn.
I don't think that's a very good idea.
Okay.
I'll just find a motel or someplace.
Bye now.
Wait.
Come on...
inside.
Are you sure?
No.
Thank you.
Hey.
These are beautiful.
Yeah, they belonged to my mom.
These are some of my old clothes.
I think they'll fit.
Thank you.
Okay.
I'll leave you to change.
Okay.
So I didn't make a noise or say anything
or anything like that?
Nothing at all.
You just woke up.
That's it?
You woke up
and you stretched your arms
and yawned.
That's it.
Wait-- nothing, it's fine.
It's fine, it just doesn't make sense.
You just said something completely different.
You said I sat up.
It just doesn't make sense.
- Hi. - Hey, I thought you had work to do.
I thought you were gonna stay in the den.
What the hell are you doing out here?
I asked you to stay in the house.
My Dad, he isn't well, all right?
- I'm sorry. - She's a good little golfer.
Come on, son.
Show her how the Moreau boys play golf.
All right, gimme the club.
Ooh, nice one, Charlie.
Your Dad's precious.
Is he okay?
Yeah, he's fine.
A couple of years back
some kids from Madison threw a beer bottle
at his head while he was walking on the side of the road.
Friends of yours, I'm sure.
Wait, friends of mine?
How's that?
Bobby Jackson, Johnny Parker--
that crew. Aren't you all buddy buddy?
No. Why would you think that?
You were a cheerleader, weren't you?
So does that mean all my friends are jerks?
Doesn't it?
You know what? Your Dad is such a sweetheart
and you're just such a--
somebody should hit you in the head with a beer bottle,
get you to lighten up a little. Good Lord.
See that, Elvis?
I shot a 74.
I heard you already.
What'd you get?
He got 100...
on the front nine.
Hear that Elvis? You got 100--
on the front nine.
Okay, that's enough.
I think I'm gonna go inside and rest a spell.
Thanks for the golf game, Charlie.
Nothing to it.
I'll be right in.
So you help your father with...
His prep work. I'm still training.
So you didn't see the whole thing that happened with me?
No, I was asleep.
Your Dad can still work?
Doing all that mortician stuff?
The doctor said his brain's
like a bike chain with a few missing links.
It slips off the sprocket and he forgets things.
Any reason this place looks so spooky?
Spooky?
It just doesn't look cared for.
How 'bout a coat of paint? It'd be better for business I think.
We have all the business we can handle.
We're the only funeral home for 50 miles.
It just looks like death.
Nobody's making you stay.
Hey, I'm sorry.
Elvis, I didn't mean--
Where is she?
What the hell are you doing?
Don't do that. I'm over it all ready. Come on down.
Where'd you get the paint from?
Garage.
I'm gonna need some more.
What?
"The baron had thrown his last dagger,
but the men kept coming.
He flew up the stairs,
his black cape flowing behind him.
He dashed into Analisa's room--"
Wait. Where did she come from, Elvis?
She wasn't in the villa the other night.
I told you twice. He saw her hanging out there.
"She looked petrified,
but she kept on running."
Good Lord! Do you always have
to creep up on people like that?!
Only people who snoop around without permission.
Look, I wasn't snooping, okay?
I was just... looking around.
Why are you so obsessed with this place?
Because...
I don't know, I keep having
these weird dream flashback things
where I start to remember what happened here
and then it just-- it goes away.
The feeling I get--
you have no idea.
Is that your Mom?
She's beautiful.
You look just like her.
She made that kite.
Really?
So how did--
how did she and your Dad...?
What was she doing with a hunchback?
I didn't mean it like that.
It's okay.
My Dad didn't always look like this.
His back was barely bent when she met him.
Look, we should probably get outta here.
My Dad doesn't like people snooping around.
I'm gonna watch TV,
if you wanna come?
Okay.
Why do you beat my son so hard?
He's a beast, an animal.
Some day I shall have to destroy him.
My poor son.
Why was he ever born?
You can stop now.
I've got three more walls to go.
Nice shirt.
What's wrong with it?
Nothing, I said it's nice.
Here, let me see it.
I've never seen anything
that can't be fixed with a little white paint..
What?
Morning.
Thought you'd wanna see this.
What?
Missing?
God. She knows I ran away.
It says authorities throughout the state are on alert.
Oh, great.
What if they come 'round here?
What would I be doing here?
Wait, that's not what I mean.
Elvis.
You ever grow anything in that field?
Nothing grows worth a damn 'round here.
It's shitty dirt.
What do you use that tractor and planter for?
Golf course.
I can't believe it. We are doing this ass-backwards.
We need to be planting the seeds now
so they can grow while we paint.
Can you lend me some money?
Wait, what seeds?
You can't plant anything now.